Freaked out, I threw my phone away. I wasn't the smartest way to start a my day, but I thought making my bed and helping grandmother with setting breakfast would get my mind off of it. I wore a Jalabyh and combed my hair up to avoid grandmother Hamda's "morning messy hair" lectures. In the kitchen, mother was setting the table, but I asked her to sit down and I took over.
Ever since I was told that mother was pregnant, I felt a great deal of responsibility will be loaded on me. My childish behaviour will not be accepted anymore, but I won't mind sharing mother's attention with the baby currently in her tummy.
I knew things will not be the same, I may have been just fifteen, a time where everything's so confusing, but how I treated mom and reacted to her had changed already. I wondered how much I'll change because of this baby.
I sat down next to mother and grandmother, then came in Khalid, my older brother, who had also just come back from a short yacht trip with his friends. We all sat down to have our lunch and with "Bsmllah" we all began.
Father was still on his business trip, but if everything worked out, he said that great rewards await him. We got used to calling him every afternoon, and today was no different.
I went back to my room, turned on my laptop, and searched a couple of new songs I heard on the radio. The music video included some belly dancing, which seemed impressive at the time And so, that lead me to a wider range of dances and choreography.
I started to lock the door to my room and watch videos, spending hours just learning new moves. After that, the laptop was no longer needed. A song would play and my own moves were created.
It became easier for me to express a song in my own way. The problem was, in our community, dancing was shameful. It was not art, self expression, nor was it respected. My passion for dancing had to remain between myself and I.
Weeks later, my dancing started improving, my figure started to show. My stretching and dancing made my abs go flat, my legs were stronger, and a well-sized butt has formed.
Noticing my fitness changing made me grow aware of my food habits, water was a big part of my daily intake, I studied the topic online. The internet contained more information than I expected, but it didn't stop there, nutrition books filled the shelves in my room. With all this new information, my knowledge, and energy increased.
Mother had noticed the change in the way I had my lunch, chicken with no rice what so ever, which was weird where I lived, as almost all lunches included rice. Instead, vegetables filled my plate, and juice instead of soft drinks to end it all. As any other mother, she thought I was on a diet. Self conscious maybe, she started questioning how my body rapidly changed in a matter of weeks.
I was much more informed and well aware of why she was concerned, but everything I had was natural. She just did not know about my dancing.
A day came, where mother was out with Khalid for a check up, I believe. It was an advantage for me, I headed straight to my room, got into shorts, socks, and my dancing began. The sound through the headphones was so high, it made me focus more on what the song would mean.
Suddenly, grandmother came in. Her shock of me being in shorts, dancing, it made her furious. She came in and pulled my hair, she slapped me and sat down crying on my bed. I was on my knees, looking down in humiliation, I Did not even have the guts to make eye contact, my hands covering my ears, her crying pierced through my heart.
She came off the bed, put my head to her chest. All I heard was her heart beats, tears came down my face. I never wished for her to see me like this, this was never my intention..
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